Experiencing self-awareness

Daniel Goleman brought the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) into the public eye.  One simple interpretation of EI is:

“The ability to recognise and manage your own behaviours and emotions for the benefit of yourself and those around you”

Assuming we accept that in order to successfully manage our own behaviours and emotions we must first learn about ourselves and how others perceive us, then the questions become:

“How do we develop more self-awareness and why is it important to be more self-aware?”

How do we develop more self-awareness?

We learn through our experiences and there’s a process that we all pass through leading us from not knowing that we don’t know something, through to doing it without thinking.  One excellent example of this is learning to drive a car. 

The first time you get in the car you have no idea of what is involved (unconscious incompetent - don’t know what you don’t know).  You then have to learn what each control does, coordinate your actions and start to drive but you probably make many mistakes (conscious incompetent – realise what you don’t know).  With practice you get in and drive away but still need to remind yourself where the controls are and what to do while you’re driving (conscious competent - know you know). After gaining experience you get in, drive off without thinking about it, arrive at your destination and think nothing of the steps you took to get there (unconscious competent - do it naturally).  

Self-reflection is the precursor to self-awareness.  Therefore we must take a good look at our behaviours, emotions and feelings, realise the effect they have on ourselves and others, learn what doesn’t work and what does work and adapt accordingly.  Developing this self-reflection technique early in life helps us recognise when our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and actions are destructive or constructive.

Why is it important to be more self-aware?

The answer is simple, when you know what your strengths are and realise that you are good at certain things you feel better about yourself and more confident.  Knowing more about yourself can help you to make better choices and lead to a happier more fulfilled life.  When you're happy you feel much better than you do when you're unhappy.